We Are Going To Be Ok?

My hands are shaking as I write this. The post I am about to write is causing my heart to beat fast. I’ve put off this post for months, years. The thought of posting this makes me cringe. Why am I doing it? Because it’s time. It’s time to speak into the inconsistencies that I experience. It is time to reveal the mess that I often hide. It’s time to stand up and tell my story. Not because it’s the only story or a model story, but because it is mine and might, just might, help someone else.

I have been inconsistent in writing on this blog because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Well, I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn’t think I could say it. I didn’t think it was “professional” or “correct” to reveal my struggles, weakness, or shame. I didn’t think it was ok to honestly write about being a mom. It’s not academic. It’s not “real”. The problem is it is real. And I know I am not the only one that balances being a mom and working. I know I am not the only one that has a messy life and calls it a win when I actually have time to do my hair and make-up. I don’t know why I allowed society to convince me that I shouldn’t talk about it. That it’s not a good idea. That raw vulnerability has no real payoff in the digital world.

It may bring me more heartache than joy, but I just can’t be silent any longer. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it’s taught me that life is short. We all struggle. We are all broken. And it is time we lean into our brokenness and strive to support each other. So that is what I hope to do on this blog, more often than I have been.

Everyone has been hit so hard by this pandemic. I keep telling myself we will all be ok, not because I believe it yet, but because I have to will it into existence. Ok is good enough for this year and ok is the goal for now.

I am not the best writer. I am a visual communicator, but if you can hang in there with me, I hope I can speak to your soul. I want my posts to resonate with you so you know you are not alone. And if you join me, then I will know I am not alone. And together we can make sure we will be ok.